Friday, July 22, 2011

Normal Complaints on a Friday

Some days I feel like I am truly insane, by the posted definition of "doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome".... and today is one of those days.  

I emailed my FIL with a few questions and he responded with a one word answer that covered the first question.  GRRRRR and I feel my bp rising. Is that normal? probably not. I want him to be different and he isn't going along with my wishes LOL.  

I also have started to really appreciate the non-goofy appearance of my kids as compared to some people I know (no one i know in this realm or in my immediate personal life...)  I am a horrible mommy b/c I compare my kids to the way I see other peoples children.
I am that mom who thinks her kids are beautiful, but I am concerned that maybe they aren't and no one will tell me.  Unattractive children are something that bugs me and pretending that I think a baby or child is cute pains me.  "isn't he precious" or "isn't she something else -- what a little monkey" come to mind.  I can't force myself to say "what a gorgeous baby" when the baby is NOT beautiful.  As you can see  above my daughter (the one with the pop-eye in our annual Christmas card the year she was born). I harbored no illusion that she was a beautiful baby.  She looked like a god-damned skinned squirrel for the first few months of her life. She was an ounce away from being diagnosed with "failure to thrive" and thank god she started to gain weight.  But the friends who told me how beautiful she is became the friends that i did not ask opinions of...b/c I know she wasn't a beautiful infant.  I think she's quirky and beautiful and full of life and energy today, but a beautiful baby she was not....  

So, I ask this question of my bloggy friends, followers, or the random person who reads parenting/mommy blogs -- do you WANT To know how your child appears to others, or do you prefer to think that your little darlings might be king or queen of the prom one day?

I would appreciate honest appraisals of my own offspring.  I am so tempted to post the pictures of the kids in question but alas, I am chicken chicken chicken...

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Interviews...i am getting interviews!

Ranting about being a mom is a good way to pass my time, but truthfully I need to find a stinking job b/c no money and health insurance really truly sucks.  So every day, as you have heard me rant, I am seeking a job in higher education, hopefully in foundations, fundraising or membership support.

My job-search life is one of feast or famine....i either send out eleventy-million resumes and get NO CALLS or I send out a few and get calls within a day or two.  The past 10 days feels like feast v. famine at this point. I had a telephone interview last week for a foundation position at the main campus of the university *I* graduated from. Tomorrow (Wednesday July 20) I have a telephone interview for a foundation position at my FIL's alma mater.  Not the actual school he graduated from, but part of the larger school system.  He rec'd his Bachelor's and Master's degrees there.

So my rant today is that I emailed FIL to tell him that I have this phone interview tomorrow with the school of law and asking if he knows anyone at the law school or donors that graduated with their JD from that law school so that I can find a way to leverage an actual in-person interview.

Recall that I am married to his son who has not worked for over two years and isn't really looking for a job.  I am the mother and essentially sole support to his only grandchildren and well, i expect at least some level of heart-felt emotional support.  (Can you tell that I have tapered down on my zoloft and am starting a new SSRI???)

This was his response to my email:  Don’t know anyone there.  I’m an alum of the school of business.  Best of luck.

This honest to god pisses me off. PISSES ME OFF all caps ....  pisses me the fuck off.  This man supports us in a lot of ways, especially financially; however, I would have thought a response might be a tad bit more like "oh great news....let me check my contacts to see if I do know anyone who's a XYZ Law school graduate"

I am cogent enough to realize that I am going off a little bit here, but if  I don't type it here, my poor kids will get it b/c, well, i am weaning off Zoloft and everything every.little.thing is pissing me off.  My kids, noise, the tv, my effing gums hurt .... i am getting odd dizzy spells and hot flashes.  FUCK !!  I have to spend most of the day away from everyone b/c really and truly i am on the edge.

So that's it, i am ranting here so i don't rant at home, loudly, and end up with crying children and an angry hubby who will all be tap dancing on the one frayed and sparking nerve I have left.

Please zoloft leave my body and please celexa help me soon!  :D

Happy ranting. On the good side, I have a phone interview tomorrow and an in person interview at my own alma mater on August 3!!

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Job Fairs are NOT fun nor are they fair.

So as an unemployed formerly full-time employed mom, I am chomping at the bit for a job that actually entails receiving a reasonably sizable pay check with some health insurance and time off benefits.  Since April I have been looking -- albeit in spurts -- for a job. I have had a few interviews but nothing has come to fruition.   Essentially my full-time job is surfing the web and different job search sites to find jobs that I feel qualified for and writing cover letters/tweaking my resume to fit what the position's needs are.  My BIL sent a link yesterday to a job fair at Citizen's Bank Park in Philadelphia -- short drive from my home, so I figured why not??  Their tagline for this fair is "Let's make finding a job fun again" -- and the following snippet is directly from their website:  

The Grand Slam Job Fair is a fun and productive day where you can come and meet 60 to 70 of the area's hottest companies who will be on hand to instantly interview for a wide range of employment opportunities.
For the record, this website lied. It was neither fun nor productive

In preparation for my inaugural "Career Fair" event,  I reviewed the employer list that were slated to be on site (they showed over 60 and several of whom I am interested in joining albeit not at entry-level).  Being the semi-anal person that I am, I pre-registered (so as not to wait in the line to register in the morning), I updated my resume to it's more generic form and went to print it....

and *bum bah baaaaaaaaaahm*  printer ran out of ink about halfway thru printing TEN resumes.  The ink was fairly new btw, i purchased it in May...we don't print a lot. WTH???  No wonder the fucking thing was free when we ordered our laptop.  No worries, it may have been 10:00 pm but I can order printed copies from Fedex Kinkos -- or better yet I can stop there in the morning and just copy myself so that they are fresh and I can control that little bit of the process....

So the alarm goes off, i get up, make coffee, take a shower,dress in a pale lilac cami under a black jacket (3/4 length sleeves, buttons locked and loaded) and gray/black pinstriped pants and professional shoes.  I put make-up on my face and cover up on the (now healing) cold sore above my lip.  Out the door with about an hour to spare!!  Off to Kinkos to make my copies.

Oooops Kinko's server is down. I cannot use the self-service machines since they cannot use credit cards at this moment.  Luckily the girl running the desk could make copies for me, recommended resume paper and ended up charging me almost 18 bux for copies of my resume.  But that's OK since this might lead me to my dream job, right?  I am so so optimistic.  Believe it or not I am a people person. I enjoy meeting new people and networking/finding a way to better myself in most situations.  I am now on my way officially, with 30 fresh copies of my resume printed (first time in YEARS i have printed a resume to hand out other than to have copies at job interviews), my leather portfolio is ready to go in case I get an on-site interview as advertised on the website, and I look at least presentable (though my god damned car is HOT since my AC doesn't work AND my driver's side window is inoperable....) so i get to the site, park, and walk toward the stadium looking for the entrance.

I find it, and I find the line snaking from the entrance around one corner, so I follow it -- there is no indication that pre-registered people enter here and non-registered people register there. SO like a lamb being lead to slaughter, I followed the masses around the corner...then another corner, and a third to finally come to rest at the end of the longest line full of people from all walks of life, every end of the earth and honestly, some with extremely questionable personal hygiene and wardrobe choices.  Some of the contenders could have been pulled straight from the pictures on -- but at least THOSE people aren't hoping to get a job when they step out their front door...

Anyway, after following the line back to the entrance there are now employees pointing out for those of us who pre-registered which line to go in, so I go.  A simple sign could have fixed this mess, but I am not going to give into my negative Nelly thoughts...not right now at least....i smile, pull my jacket down a bit in back since it's now sticking to the sweat running down my back and pat the sweat off of my face and forge ahead into the melee of the career fair.

There were perhaps 40 tables set up, at least 4 were for colleges who were hawking THEIR classes and such to the job seekers.  The career placement companies were doing interviews, and at 15 minutes past opening, they were booked for 2.5 hours.  I could become a bartender, hawks one woman....or i could pay for my insurance licensing and work for AFLAC, Farmers, and various other insurance agencies.  I actually spoke to three people at tables.  I gave out two resumes.  One woman gave me her .02 as to which job to apply for and let me know that she'd keep an eye out for the application.  She also gave me pointers on which portions of my resume to highlight in the application i appreciated that.

Every other table I went to (and including the one where the woman was so helpful) told me to go ahead and apply online if any of the jobs interested me.   APPLY ONLINE IF ANY OF THEIR JOBS INTEREST ME.  I looked at the jobs YESTERDAY....I was hoping to actually speak to someone about what they are looking for and find out what the chances are for me to fill their needs....not drive out in 90 + heat, walk around a super hot BALL PARK in my interview clothing to meet with recruiters who then tell me to apply online.  REALLY?  (can you tell my smile is now slipping, hairpins are shooting out of my head though I have super short hair and I am starting to mutter to myself) .... so i left the ballpark and have learned a nice lesson that I won't go back to a job fair again...or if I do I am going to wear whatever I want and do whatever I want..... of course THAT will be the day that my dream employer is actually giving interviews and they spot me coming in my peopleofwalmart shorts and backboobs. 


Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Busy busy but doing NOTHING

I haven't been blogging much.  Have to turn that around shortly.  Been feeling down :( but I am going to turn my frown up and down LOL.....and will have a snarky commentary up shortly!


Saturday, July 2, 2011

BlogDare July 2 - Food I cannot live without?? NOODLES

Noodles, pasta, LOMEIN, spaghEtti, RigaTONI, NOODLES Noodles, noodleS!!!!  Do i have to type it out again?   I like noodles with butter, noodles with sauce, italian, asian, plain ol' american.  My favorite restaurant when I am traveling?  NOODLES....too bad they don't have one in New Jersey or I'd visit it weekly for a noodle fix.   Noodles is one of the few foods that my family can agree upon, even if the toppings differ....i know that my children will eat.  I know that if we eat out my kids can eat plain pasta or noodles with butter, at a chinese restaurant or buffet, my very picky eater DD can choose lo mein noodles with soy sauce (and ONLY soy sauce)....

Have a few ramen packs?  I can make a super meal out of can even use noodles/pasta/ whatever in desserts of one sort or another.  I can add noodles to any soup or broth to make it heartier and add some body!  Noodles stir fried with veggies and some tofu can be a quick and healthy meal....Noodles can be used to entertain vegans, vegetarians and the typical omnivore all at the same time with very little effort!

So, noodles and pasta products are the one thing that I could not live without!!!!!!!!!!!

Bon Apetit!

BlogDare July 1 - choosing a favorite time period to live in....

This is my first venture in the "blog dare" at Bloggy Moms...I am doing it to try to stretch a bit and learn more about myself and the craft of blogging.

The first posting "dare" (7/1) is:  If you could choose any time period to live in, what would it be

I have been thinking about this a lot today.  I am torn.  I loved the 80's (1980's) and am truly a Generation X girl....i would wear my hair big (or punky) and wear my neon and listen to pseudo-punk music and pretend to have angst in my life every day, if I could.....but I am assuming that my current person would be living in the time period, not my teen-20's not sure if that's what I'd really like as a middle-aged woman with two children who would more than likely be mortified by a pseudo punk-rock mom with safety pins thru her earlobes and frizzed up huge lacquered hair.....

So then I think of times in history that I would be comfortable in...I was born in the late 60's so I guess I understand that....but I am not a free love, flowers and peace kinda girl....the 70's were an interesting time, lots of controversy, a huge leap in liberties and political movements, but the fashion, not-so-much and the simple fact that Disco was king makes it not for me (though I do like my Disco, i don't want to LIVE in disco times....)

The early centuries, even early 20th century are not for me, as I enjoy a daily shower, and not having to smell people out on the road, in the store, in a car...I also enjoy the technology that's become available and truthfully I can't imagine living without my constant companion....the interwebz.

So, I guess that I would like to live in the CURRENT period of time. I love technology, love that clothing is available for the plus sized woman that wasn't in the eras past....and i enjoy most things about life today (short of being unemployed and struggling financially, but i think that's just part and parcel of MY life....)  So, the current time period is where I'd prefer to live......